So this is a post for @empress-of-books about this lovely *cough* place called England, I will probably add to it when I think of new stuff, but if you have anything to add, that’d be great.
Geography:
Okay, instead of ‘states’ like America, we have counties, and they are all associated with different things, usually, sorry, always with negative things, there are so many, but I don’t to cause ‘beef’ as they say, so I will just do the one for my own county, Essex, which is literally fake tan city. It’s insane actually. People walk around orange. The funniest thing is, we’re the driest county anyway, so you don’t eVEN NEED FAKE TAN BECUASE IT’S LIKE THE SUNNIEST COUNTY IN ENGLAND! However, people be people, let them do their thing, or they will punch you.
Food:
Okay, I never noticed this before, but we are obsessed with sandwiches. We sell them in pretty much every store, even drugstores i.e. Boots, have sandwiches. I didn’t even think that was weird until someone pointed that out to me. We fucking love sandwiches, BLT (Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato) is a classic, but people literally go out for lunch and get sandwiches. I do this. Everyone does this. It’s so weird once I started thinking about it. You are never that far from a sandwich.
Tea:
Okay, yes, we drink tea. Yes, we are taught from a young age that tea is sacred. I learnt how to make it when I was 7/8, it’s used as a coping device. Bad times? Tea. This is a thing. I never realised until it was in tv tropes, and then I realised, that actually happens. We make tea in a crisis. However, some people in England don’t like tea! I know!
They are dead to us.
People:
We are a weird bunch of people. Really strange. Though we have this thing where we just let weird things happen, and just kind of get on with them. We are quite stubborn in that way. Ignore the person or thing, and just carry on doing your thing. It’s actually quite inspirational if a horrific event happens, we manage to keep chugging along, trying to not let it affect us too much.
Slang:
The best thing about English slang is that it is made to confuse you, and different groups of people have and use slang, such as the office worker in London. They use the term ‘Chuggers’, I love this, this means Charity Muggers, basically in London, and big cities, charity people come up to you and try and take your cash. Never give money to these people, just a heads up. You never know if they’re a real charity or not. Just donate safely, because these people can talk you out of a lot of money.
London:
I don’t quite understand the fascination with London, I think it’s a bit crap really. That’s probably because I can travel there really easily, and have been able to my entire life. Some parts of it are fantastic (read the Science Museum, best school trip ever, as well as The Natural History museum), and some are, well, a little underwhelming. There are some really great places in London, but if you do visit here, go out of London too. Some of the most beautiful, exciting, and wonderful places are miles away from London, and you’re missing out if you don’t leave the city.
Things you need to know:
1. Pickpockets. We have a really big problem with pickpocketers, so you will see a lot of people carrying backpacks on their fronts. They are actual Brits, follow their lead.
2. Phone snatchers. Another huge problem. They cycle past you and take your phone out of your hands. It’s gone then. This isn’t as common as it used to be, but most people don’t even realise it has happened to them.
3. Cat calling. This is no way near as common in this country. Mostly because we are a bunch of awkward people, but do be aware of large groups of young men if you are walking alone, whatever gender you are. My advice is to not look at them and walk quickly past. They probably won’t don anything, but you never know.
4. Transport. Okay, there are so many rules for trains/buses e.t.c but here are some important ones. a) Give up your seat if an elderly, or pregnant or someone with kids gets on. If there are no seats, you are meant to stand up, in fact, we have special seats for this (as I’m sure many countries do), but it is really important you do this,especially for tube trains, as they have long escalators, and are often quite a long distance from peoples’ houses, so, yeah, people really appreciate it when you do. I often ask people if they want to sit down, they will almost always say no, so I would just get up if I were you.
b) Putting your feet up onto train seats is actually illegal. I know. They don’t enforce it, but it is against the law, and just gross tbh, you will see teenagers doing it, but they are not following social constructs, because, well they’re teenagers.
5. Being foreign. Okay, this is a touchy subject, but here goes. You are welcome here. The younger generations, as per usual, really don’t care where your from (in most cases), but there are some areas that are not as open. Some areas are more against immigration, but for the most part, if you’re a tourist or someone who is paying money, they don’t care as much as it may seem on this whole Brexit thing, (which I think is a horrible name)
6. Being LGBT…. England has a lot of time for LGBT… rights, of course, there are some people who are against them, but many people in our country really don’t care. I’m not going to lie, transgender rights are not as good, but you can have any surgery you want (though I’m not sure if it’s available on the NHS or not), but after the horrible bathroom law, people in the UK are rallying aginst transphobia, which is really nice to see.
Weather:
Always pack an umbrella.
Attractions:
There are so many in England, that there is no way I can name them all, so I’m just gonna stick with London (I know I’ma hypocrite), with places English people visit:
The Science Museum and The Natural History Museum. I know that I already mentioned them, but this is a seriously great day out. It takes a day to get round just one of them. They are interactive and so good for younger people, as well as adults. I love both of them so much. In fact, I doubt I’ve seen everything at the Natural History Museum. I’ve been so many times I lost count. So good.
The West End. These shows are often expensive, but y’know, great. My personal top pick is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, it’s an incredible play. So well done, I was so involved throughout the whole thing.
The National Theatre. Want to see an affordable play? This place is great. It’s so cheap and you can see pretty much anything. I’ve seen so many good plays here. Just so you know, War Horse (the stage show) was first premiered here.
London Dungeons. Not for those with nervous dispositions. Scary but fun, a very common trip for English people.
The Southbank. This is where the National Theatre is situated, but it’s such a great stretch of London, great food, and stuff, and in the summer, it’s full of loads of activities. I highly recommend just going there, though it’s better if you’re going to see a show as well. ;)
i dont think american filmmakers realise how huge london is, because sure you have the london eye and houses of parliament but when you say ‘london has fallen’ what??? so the nandos in catford is in flames? the tesco in peckham has descended into chaos? wtf??
And even if Peckham Tesco goes down you’ve still got the Lewisham one open 24 hours, yeah you’re in trouble on a Sunday evening but even in a survival situation you can probably hold out till Monday because all the local takeaways would still deliver, no one can stop those guys and no one should try
yeah and making it a little serious for a second, the city has such a historical/cultural expectation of being (or at least appearing) resilient in response to destruction that these portrayals are not realistic at all.
If you talk to people who were in London on 7/7 I feel that they use very different language about their experience, vs. people who were in New York City for 9/11. The brush with destruction is not portrayed as a life-changing experience, if that makes sense. The expectation is that the city has to keep moving. That obnoxious “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster (now a meme) was actually designed and printed in readiness to be posted everywhere if London actually fell to Nazi occupation. the expectation was that “descent into chaos” would let everyone down.
Like, in the London Blitz people made “not giving a shit as the city is gutted around you” into an art form.
this lady would make a great reaction image for drinking truth tea in the wake of drama:
like look at these guys here
“oh ffs that was my BUS”
I mean this guy is just delivering the milk like
TREVOR I DON’T THINK YOUR CUSTOMERS ARE GONNA CARE IF YOU’RE A LITTLE LATE
or this extremely safe community policing
“remember girls you need TWO policemen to go past the unexploded bomb”
or this
“hey Bridezilla your window fell off” “fuck off Helen this is my SPECIAL DAY”
or
“guys you’re supposed to be - guys pay attention”
or “Hey what should we do we are literally being bombed right now” “idk go hide in the tube??” “but it’s the kids’ bedtime” “yeah, but like… bombs”
“wait I’ve got a plan, we go to the tube and then…”
“ok so … so we’ve literally just tied the children to the train tracks” “shh…. they’re sleeping…. they’re safe now”
Anyway it’s not like Londoners are super brave or anything, it’s just that on the one hand there might be giant alien sea dragon robot tsunamis smashing the recognizable landmarks, but on the other hand they gotta make rent
Potter!
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